Think you're a good communicator? You might be surprised.
Introduction
It’s a question I often ask during leadership and professional development programmes: How well do you communicate? Most people respond with confidence, rating themselves 8 or 9 out of 10. It’s a familiar pattern – across sectors, seniority levels, and even cultures. And in some ways, it makes sense. We communicate every day, so we assume we’re doing it well.
But then comes the moment of truth.
“That 9 suddenly becomes a 6. Sometimes lower. People realise they weren’t as clear as they thought – or as tuned-in to the other person.”
It’s not about catching people out. It’s about holding up a mirror to how we really communicate when it matters. The results are always revealing – and often humbling.
Why we overestimate our communication skills
We all like to think we’re good communicators. And in everyday terms, we probably are. But effective communication in professional settings – especially in leadership – demands far more than just talking, writing, or presenting.
Most of us focus on what we’re saying, not how it’s received.
We mistake fluency for effectiveness. Confidence for clarity. And because we’re rarely given feedback on our communication style (beyond “great presentation” or “that meeting went well”), we rarely stop to examine it.
The illusion of communication
There’s a quote I often share that always gets a knowing nod:
Image: A quote from George Bernard Shaw - ‘The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.’
It captures the heart of the issue. We believe we’ve been understood simply because we were clear – but that’s not how communication works. The true measure of effectiveness lies in the listener’s understanding, not the speaker’s intentions.
Communication isn’t about talking more – it’s about connecting better
To be a truly impactful communicator, you must:
Listen actively – not just hear, but really listen, without pre-planning your response.
Adapt your message – tailoring tone, content and delivery to your audience’s needs.
Check for understanding – through reflection, paraphrasing or clarification.
Notice non-verbal cues – what’s not said often carries the most weight.
Be aware of your impact – the emotional tone you set, consciously or not.
“Communication is a leadership skill, not just a soft skill. And like all skills, it improves with conscious effort.”
A challenge for the next conversation
Before your next important meeting or conversation, ask yourself:
Am I being truly present – or distracted?
Have I invited others in – or taken up all the space?
Have I made it easy to understand – or just easy to say?
Have I confirmed alignment – or assumed it?
These small shifts can lead to much stronger connections – and far fewer misunderstandings.
Are you as good a communicator as you think you are?
Most people aren’t – at least not consistently. But that’s not a criticism. It’s an opportunity. When you start paying closer attention to how you communicate, the shift in how people respond to you can be remarkable.
Let’s talk
If you're serious about developing your leadership impact, start with your communication. It underpins every relationship, every decision, and every outcome. Whether you're leading a team, influencing stakeholders, or driving change, your ability to connect and communicate clearly will set the tone for success.
In our leadership programmes and coaching sessions, we help individuals uncover the blind spots in their communication style – and equip them with practical tools to make every interaction count.
Interested in finding out how well you really communicate?
Let’s connect and explore how tailored development can sharpen your most important leadership skill. Drop us a line or book a call on the Calendly link below.
